How to Succeed in Therapy

Therapy most often is a process much like peeling an onion.  There are many layers of issues to peel and there are many levels of breakthroughs.  To get the most out of your therapy sessions, here are some tips:

• Pursue the truth with ardor.
• Who am I?
• Why can't I be myself?
• Question your behavior or beliefs that bother you.
•  What am I doing with my life?
• Tell the therapist your personal goals.
• I don't want to be a robot
• I want to be authentic
• I want to be confident
•  Be aware of your subconscious.
• I want to fit in
• I want to be liked
• I want to do what others are doing
• What do I like?
• Focus on one issue only and understand it fully until it's resolved completely.
• How do I react?
• How do I treat myself and others when I don't feel good about something?
• What images do you see in your mind?
• Ask for a treatment plan so your sessions are focused.
• Be conscientious and do the work after the session, review your notes.

Unemployment and Thinking Outside the Box

If you find yourself unemployed these days, look at it as an opportunity to think outside the box.  All our working lives, we live as slaves of the corporation.  We're afraid of being fired, or we get disgruntled because we are paid so little.  So if you are unemployed right now, rejoice!  It forces you to think outside the box.  Give up the old ways of thinking.  Look around you, observe, brainstorm about ways to make money.  Evaluate your budget.  Do you really need so much money?  If you don't have the latest gadget, are you afraid you will be rejected by your peers?  Are you free?  A lot of our fears are fears of rejection that put us in a box.  Break out of that box.  Think of all the fears that keep you inside the box.  Break out of the box!  Society can reject you for being different or poor, but you can bear it.  In exchange for that rejection is your freedom.  Are you afraid of being homeless?  Are you afraid of begging?  When I lost my job, I felt like my life was over.  I felt like I lost my identity, because my job gave me my self-worth.  But I learned to budget and penny pinch.  I discovered a new joy from being with very little money, but I have my mind for thinking and my heart for creativity. I began to notice my surroundings.  I used to ignore the trees and the flowers.  I used to ignore how much money I already had, compared to nothing.  And I discovered that there's no such thing as nothing.  There is everything in my life...I just didn't focus on them because my mind was focused on my lack.  I was always thinking that I lacked this, I lacked that.  And I ignored what I already had, and how much worth it had.  I found enjoyment from a simple sandwich for lunch...two slices of whole wheat bread and cheese, but being in peace.  I found enjoyment in just sitting outside with a cup of coffee and being with my thoughts.  I began to understand where I invested my time and effort.  My values changed.  I learned to value the "small" things in life.  Now, I value being able to wake up in the morning.  I value my intelligence and creativity because I can discover how to live an authentic life, instead of life in a box.

Liking Your Voice

I would wait patiently, until I heard that distinct voice that was uniquely mine, that came from my heart.  I started learning not to judge, to just notice it.  I watched how my work started to change in a nice way.  When I write now, I notice how the sentences sparkle and shine -- at least for me.  I learned to love my voice, and nurture it.  Each of us has his or her own distinct voice.  Allow that distinct voice to dominate.  That's who you are.  That is the "I am."  Experiment with your voice.  Suspend judgement.  Then sit back and let your work dazzle you.  In the end, I fell in love with my voice -- for now my writer's voice.  I want to be with it.  I want to get to know it better and completely.  That is true self-love.  It takes courage to validate your true self; but it's the only way to discover how beautiful we all are in our hearts.

First, you have to find it -- your voice.  You can do this when you're working.  As you go about your work, notice that voice that is distinctly your own.  Notice the quality -- there are many.  Maybe it's a doubting voice, or a curious voice, or a questioning voice.  For me, I grew to like the doubting voice; I use it in my writing.  But there's that critical voice, which I don't like because it makes me think of other people's work.  Then I would compare.  Is my work "as good" as his or her work?  This is how my voice wanders around in my work.  The voice is actually very interesting.  If you observe how it forms the work, how the shape changes, how the colors shimmer, it likes to accuse or emphasize certain parts.  So get to know your voice, find it, and then be friends with it.  You can apply the process of finding your voice when doing any kind of work or in any situation.

Benefits of a Quiet Mind

The best way for me to clear the mind is to question our thinking.  If you have a thought about a situation that is making you feel uncomfortable, ask yourself if the thought is true and if the thought is absolutely true.  Go to thework.com to learn about inquiry from my teacher, Byron Katie.

I was sitting in the hospital cafeteria, and I happened to glance at the scenery outside the glass window.  From a short distance, I saw a tree.  It had no leaves, but it struck me as being beautiful and serene.  There were little birds sitting on the branches, and I thought..."what a lovely sight to behold."  I kept looking at this until I realized that at that moment, I was experiencing a quiet mind.

The benefits of a Quiet Mind are:

• you can remain calm even if there's a stressful situation
• you can be present in the moment
• you can enjoy the moment
• you can focus on the now
• your relationships will be healthier
• your communication will be clearer and authentic
• you can solve problems objectively
• you can be creative

No Matter Where You Are in Life

No matter where you are or no matter what stage you are at, life is teaching you something about life.

I have been unemployed for a long time...and it is a hard pill to swallow.  It seems like I have no identity unless I have a job.  But after a while, I realized that life was painting a different picture for me.  I used to wake up to the thought that my life was over...that I had nothing...that I was no good.  But having learned about mindfulness in the past, I started to reflect on the situation. There's no train to catch.  Now what?

After examining my thoughts and feelings surrounding the new life I was given, I started to notice things I didn't pay attention to when I was working.  When I was working, I was always rushing and worried about bills, deadlines, job performance, getting a raise, never having enough time for everything I thought I had to do and always afraid of what people would think of me if I made a mistake or if I failed in something.

But now, I have time to prepare breakfast mindfully and sit down at the table thinking only about what's in front of me.  I am learning something new...like being in school, in a different school.  I would go to the kitchen and I notice what a good kitchen it is.  I would look out and see the hustle and bustle outside the window.  I noticed that was good...no problem here.  While eating breakfast, I feel that the nourishment was preparing me for the day. Life is teaching me something precious, which I wouldn't have learned otherwise, if I had a 9 to 5 job.

This new school is teaching me that life is better, in a way, when you are mindful and not rushing so much, afraid of being late or failing.  I have at lot less money, but that's good because I am learning new and wonderful ways of spending and satisfying myself...making do with what I have.  Now, that's a different place from thinking you do not have enough.  There is no problem.  Only the truth to be learned.  I am happy with anticipation of creating a different reality for me that is sweet and dare I say...blessed.

Whatever life is teaching you at a particular moment or experience, don't take it forgranted.  Listen, observe, contemplate.  It's giving you the key that will unlock your potential and your happiness.

Creative Block

Every civilization comes up with a system, true and tried, that becomes the prescription for living.  So everybody just follows, thus, losing the creative drive.  If you want to fit in, you follow the way of society.

Here are some suggestions to unblock the creative:

--You can get ideas when you are observing, seeing, feeling the moment.  For example, today I was observing the rain drops outside the glass window.  I was waiting for the rain to stop, so I could leave the place.  I was just watching the rain.

--Making art is not about ability or talent or achievement.  It's about expression, reflection, discernment and use of the senses.

--If there's any purpose to art, it is to be in the moment and to connect with your inner world.

--What is the feeling, impression that you like about what is in front of you?...and then keep the answer with you to guide your art.

--Art is not about fitting in or what to do with your life.

--Look at other artworks to get inspired.

--Art is about authenticity.

--Art has to do with trusting your inner compass.

--Art or learning is about how you do it your way, rather than how others do it.

--Focus on working on a small area of the art and notice how much work gets into the creating of art.

--Don't rush!  It will take some time to arrive at your destination, but it will be worth the wait.

--Stop and reflect for 20 minutes.  Walk or look out the window or look at the sky or the rain.  Feel your inner compass and ask yourself if you are in the "right" direction, but don't ask if it is perfect.

--Change your vocabulary.  Do you like it?  Rather than thinking of achieving a masterpiece.


Art can be a learning process.  When I paint, I notice how the brush creates feelings and images, by accident or on purpose.  The color can express a certain idea or feeling.  Even the mistakes lead you to a new idea.  I feel that when I create, all of a sudden the canvass comes to life!  The bigger the challenge, the bigger the value of what you learn from hurdling it.

Your Inner Compass

It's good to check your inner compass every now and then.  Take 20 to 60 minutes or just a few minutes in the day to stop and reflect.  Ask yourself if you are where you want to be.  Are you going in the right direction?  How do you feel in the moment?  Is there one small step you can take on your journey to your destination?  Just wait quietly for the answer.  Trust your compass.  It will guide you.

It was raining that day that I thought of this.  I stopped and observed the raindrops outside the glass window.  I noticed how the droplets would fall on the ground and splash on the cars.  It was a very Buddhist moment.  If you can create moments like these, you will be able to meditate on your inner compass and get to where you would like to be.

Namaste.